Dirty Discoveries
by Ardent Ly
Summary: Sakura's room is just a treasure cove of delicious fun. Latest: Sasuke always figured that karma would come and bite him in the ass – if Sakura didn't do it first. No longer a one-shot!
1. Closet Obsession

Summary: Turns out, Sakura's hiding more than just skeletons in her closet. Sasuke always did think that cosplay sex was the best sex out there. Sequel to "Think Twice"!

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _Sepcial thanks to CA.M.E.O1 and Only for the inspiration for the summary!

* * *

1,800 seconds. 30 minutes. Half an hour.

It seemed that no matter how he sliced it, the time he spent waiting for her to get out of the ("freakin', no-good, motherfuc-!") shower didn't seem any shorter.

He shifted in her bed, trying to find a comfortable position. It was a perfectly good bed, don't get him wrong, but it just seemed emptier without her there beside him. Her refreshing scent still lingered on the slightly damp sheets, a result of their frantic lovemaking. He was so desperate at the time to get her underneath him, writhing and pleading for his touch, that he had practically dragged her out of the shower cubical and dumped her on the bed. As gently as he could, of course.

He recalled the seven glorious hours with their bodies entwined, his flushed skin upon hers, their tongues playfully teasing each other. Groaning, he looked down and found that he had made a large tent in the blankets. And hearing Sakura's joyous, but off-key singing made him realize that it would quite some time before he could relieve it.

Damn it, now he knew why Kakashi resorted to reading _Icha Icha Paradise_.

* * *

**Closet Obsession **

**by Ardent Ly **

* * *

Trying to distract himself while Sakura was in the bathroom, Sasuke slipped on his discarded boxers and began to roam her room. To be frank, there were better things he would rather be doing in her room – _with her, right now_ – but the damned woman wanted "to finish her shower". He rolled his eyes as he remembered her reasoning:

"_Sasuke-kun! I have work tomorrow, and I don't have time to shower in the morning! I need to get clean, so move it!" She had said, searching for a way to escape his grasp. _

"_You smell fine," He said curtly, dipping his head so he could kiss her. But, showing that she nearly stubborn as he was, Sakura would have none of that. She pushed him off her using her famous strength and dashed into the bathroom. The click of the lock made it clear that she was serious. _

_Scowling at his lover, Sasuke made a move to barge in there right after her and remind her exactly _who_ she was dealing, when he heard her sweet voice call out to him. _

"_Don't pout, Sasuke-kun. I promise to give you a treat if you're good." The implication was clear and being the good boy that he was, he settled back on the pillows and patiently waited. _

"Damned tease," he said under his breath, still looking around. He was mildly surprise at the look of her room – plain, clean, and white. There wasn't a trace of color anywhere except the light pink of the walls and bright orange teddy bear sitting on the edge of her dresser that basically screamed that it was from Naruto. It didn't seem to fit her personality at all.

There was, however, a great abundance of pictures resting in random places around the room. Varying in frame size, they ranged from pictures of two proud parents holding a crying baby Sakura to a seemingly recent snapshot of the little nurse and Ino clad in festival kimonos.

It was a picture of the current Team Seven that caught his full attention. It was the pervert, the idiot, and his Sakura, all draped around each other and smiling as if they didn't have a care in the world. A heavy stone dropped to his stomach as he realized that he should've been there; that his absence in the petty picture almost made him want to cry out in his loneliness.

There wasn't much time, however, for him to wallow in his pain as a defining noise reached his trained ears. He was on full alert now, whipping out the few weapons he had on him while the Sharingan unknowingly made his eyes bleed red. He quickly spotted the source of the sound, and slowly approached Sakura's closet.

Sasuke was livid. How dare someone intrude on this private moment! He clutched a kunai tightly in his hand, ready to dig it into the poor bastard's heart, while the other reached for the doorknob.

Finishing his mental countdown, he made the door fly open and poised for attack. What met him was not the sight of a whimpering trespasser, but instead, a slew of boxes came flying down at him from the high shelf and landing in a heap on the floor.

Still unsure, Sasuke quickly scanned the closet and the perimeter of the room, searching for any traces of chakra signitures. After a few minutes, he relaxed; it was clear from as far as he knew.

Glancing down at the boxes with the intention of placing them back in their original space, his movements were stilled as he picked up a police officer's hat. It was a strange color, a deep orchid, and the crest at the side didn't seem familiar. A stray piece of stiff paper fell out, and wanting to satisfy his curiosity, Sasuke gingerly picked it up.

**Happy 20th birthday, Forehead! **it read, **Do yourself a favor and get yourself laid already! Love you much, Ino. **

Strangely enough, reading the note didn't seem to relieve him any further. The word "laid" strung along with Ino's name just spelled trouble. Picking up the box closest to where he found the hat, he cautiously peeled back the delicate tissue paper and nearly had a nosebleed.

Inside was an officer's uniform that appeared to come straight out of an issue of _Icha Icha Paradise_. There was a narrow strip of purple leather he assumed to be the skirt, thigh length boot of the same material, furry handcuffs, a lacy bra and a cropped top with a collar and deep v-neck. Gleaming almost tauntingly just above the breast of the top was a badge stating saucily, _You have the right to remain sexy, sugar! _

What. The. Fuck?

Searching the rest of the boxes, Sasuke found similarly cut outfits. As it was, Ino had been giving Sakura the suggestive outfits since her eighteenth birthday; starting first with a seductive little nurse's outfit and getting more creative as the years went on with a provocative maid's dress, the police outfit, a mouthwatering bunny costume, and, even more recently, a raunchy school-girl uniform.

Attached to each gift was a note, all bearing the same message: get your ass in gear and get fucking laid already!

Eyeing the sexy costumes, his imagination ran wild and his body began to build with desire.

"What are you doing?!" Sakura's shriek brought him out of his sex-induced fantasies. She was staring horrified at the embarrassing clothes (if you could even call them that!) laid out in front of him, eye twitching all the while. She knew should've burned them when she had the chance!

Sasuke, on the other hand, had different plans. He lifted the handcuffs from its box and smirked up at her. "Ready for round seven?"

* * *

I really hope you guys enjoyed readng it as much as I enjoyed writing it, haha! Please don't forget to review! I promise to write more if you do!

~A.L.

* * *

"That was great Sasuke-kun... by the way, where're the keys for this thing?"

"Um..."


	2. Bookworms

Summary: When Sasuke finds a copy of _Icha Icha_ _Paradise_ under Sakura's bed, he smirks to himself – he could take a hint.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

This is dedicated to my favorite couple in the whole wide world, Ray and Artz! You know who you suckers are! Love you both! Haha

* * *

Bookworms

By Ardent Ly

* * *

Sasuke sighed irritably for the umpteenth time that hour, showing a rare display of Uchiha emotion. It was uncommon that he revealed such impatience, but he couldn't help himself. After finding that waiting for Sakura to finish her shift surrounded by giggling, pink-cheeked nurses and patients at the hospital was too much for his nerves to handle, he decided to wait for her at her flat instead.

What a mistake that was – if anything, it was drearier.

He sat on the cushioned chair in her room, spine erect and twiddling with a kunai between his fingers, bored completely out of his mind. He kept his eyes focused on the picture of Sakura and Ino resting on the desk, trying to distract himself from glancing at the clock. Every look only confirmed his sneaking suspicion that the clock was somehow taunting him, finding that every time he would check, the hands didn't appear to have moved from their position at all. In the course of (what he believed to be) an hour, Sasuke's hands constantly itched to smash the thing with the weapon in his grasp.

He could always buy her a new one…

Sasuke shook his head. "I'm getting as inane as Naruto," he mumbled to himself.

Personally, he blamed the Hokage. She had set numerous restrictions on him after his – admittedly unwanted– return, one of which was a ban from any missions for the next year and a half. All 'cause he abandoned the village, allied himself with that perverted snake Sannin, Orochimaru, and nearly killed her beloved student and the blonde idiot. Geez, it was enough to make him rolls his eyes.

"You'd think that hanging around the snake pervert for all those years was punishment enough," he had once complained to Sakura, receiving a light chuckle in return.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, it won't be that bad." And she was right. Admittedly, when he first arrived, the pair had been met with a bumpy road; first with his initial refusal to face her and apologize and with her initial stubbornness to reunite the man that had left her on a (_freakin'!_) bench all those years ago.

With a little time – and Naruto's insistent pushing – they had managed to talk and resolve their problems like mature and respectable (and hormonal) adults.

"So… that means you guys got it on, huh?" Ino commented suggestively when Sakura told her what had happened. "Was he any good?" It was rather unfortunate that Sasuke had chosen that exact moment to eavesdrop.

From there, their relationship had flourished, and while it wasn't the highly anticipated white-picket-fences type of relationship, it was enough. Sakura had stripped herself of her fan-girl tendencies and was truly a person Sasuke was glad to have deemed _his woman_. The young prodigy, in return, had pulled the stick that was embedded up his ass and learned to trust his little nurse.

_Tick tock… Tick tock…_

"Fucking clock," the Uchiha monarch snarled.

_Tick tock… Tick tock…_

He couldn't take it anymore. With the faintest rush of wind, the kunai in his hand went soaring through the air, striking the wretched clock right at the origin. The glass shattered and the impact sent it flying to ground, hitting a few objects on its way. The damned thing sent her multiple bottles of lotions and make up toppling on the floor with it.

Grumbling, Sasuke sighed and heaved himself off his seat. "I don't get why she needs all of this anyways," he murmured to himself as he picked up the fallen objects strewn all over the girl's room. She was plenty pretty as she was, but he wasn't going to tell her that. At least, not in so many words.

He walked towards Sakura's bed then, recalling that a few things had managed to roll underneath. Slipping an entire arm underneath the supporting frame, he felt around. In a few minutes, he managed to successful save a bottle of tangerine scented lotion (now he knew why she always smelled so sweet) and a tube of strawberry lip-gloss (now he knew why she always _tasted_ so sweet). He waved his palm around a little longer, wanting to be certain that he hadn't missed anything. The last thing he wanted was a pissed off Sakura on his hands – even if it did land him the most satisfying positions.

Out of the blue, his fingers touched something he couldn't identify. Curious, he pulled it out. Upon seeing it, he felt his breath sweep out of him. Well, he wasn't expecting this…

In his hands he held the infamous orange atrocity Kakashi and similar perverts liked to call literature.

"What the hell?" he voiced his astonishment. "What the hell is Sakura doing with this _thing_ in her room?"

The book had numerous dog-ear marked pages, he noticed, as he turned it over and back. Suddenly intrigued, he flipped it open to the first marked page, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the provocative positions the characters were in. He moved in to the next indicated page, and nearly got a nosebleed.

"Girls can bend like that…?"

The farther he got into the book the tighter his pants started to strain. By the last few pages, he was certain that his fly was going to burst open. What frazzled him the most were the various scribbles Sakura added every now and then like, "Yummy!" or "Definitely **have** to try!"

It was every guy's fantasy just dropped into his lap or something. Lucky, lucky him.

"Sasuke-kun! Are you here?" His little nurse called out to him. He smirked to himself, hiding the book behind his back. "Sasuke?" He could hear her climbing up the stairs and his excitement grew. When she opened her door, he was gifted with a gracing smile. "Oh, there you are! I was getting worried. When I didn't see you at the hospital, I was beginning to think that maybe something had gone wrong."

"I've been here for most of the afternoon," he admitted as he slid his arms around her. The tightness of his chest eased as she nestled in closer.

"I'm sorry. So, what did you want to do tonight? Watch a movie? I could call for some take out, if you want." Sakura suggested all without lifting her head from his warm embrace.

Pausing a moment, he replied softly, "If you don't mind, I'd like to do something different today."

Slightly taken aback, she met his eyes. "Oh? That's alright, I guess. What did you have in mind?" When his knee-buckling, one-corner smile broke out onto his face, Sakura suddenly felt very weary.

"Well," Sasuke said slowly, inching the _Icha Icha Paradise_ book from behind him. He resisted the urge to laugh at his slack-jawed girlfriend. "I thought we could try out page 34. Looks pretty interesting."

* * *

Hey, everyone! I know I said that this was going to stay a one-shot, but you know what they say: when inspiration knocks, you don't slam the door! haha I really hope you all liked this one! I plan on making this a little series of mine, so if any of you have any suggestions as to what else Sasuke should "discover", please tell me! I'm starting to run out of ideas.  
Thanks a bunch, and please **review**!

**~A.L.**

* * *

"Sasuke-kun, what happened to my clock?"

Oh, fuck.


	3. Child's Play

Summary: About fifty-six percent of all women fake their­­­­ climaxes. Sasuke is determined to make sure Sakura isn't one of them.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

**Important author's note! Please read before proceeding to the story!  
**It has recently come to my attention that some of those reading my stories are under the age of fifteen, and I would like to address those who are. Not to sound like a mom, guys, but some of this stuff is highly inappropriate for someone that young. I know that if my little sister were reading stories like these at her age, I give her an earful and a good flick in head. So, I urge you all to please be aware of the ratings and to pick out reading material more suited for your age. Thanks!

Oh, and ps - I'm fairly sure that the percentile I've given isn't accurate. Well, at least I know most guys are hoping they aren't accurate. Haha

* * *

**Child's Play**

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

How… how could this have happened? Why the hell was this here? Why the fuck would she turn to – to _this thing_ when she had him around?! This had to be some sort of nightmare.

He examined every inch of "the thing" – he refused to acknowledge it for what it really was – trying to determine exactly why his beloved girlfriend would resort to such unnatural measures. Was it something _he_ had done? He scoffed at the idea. He was an Uchiha. He didn't do _bad_. Not in anything. Especially not in bed.

The object in his hands said otherwise. Looking down at it, he glared at it as if it were deliberately trying to taunt him. He felt insulted just _looking_ at the damn thing. Clenching his teeth, he resisted the urge to melt it in his hands with his Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu.

"Stupid thing," he spat. Goddamit, why the hell would Sakura do this to him? It was driving him insane. Unknowingly, he pressed the button activating it. The way it vibrated in his hands only proved to infuriate him further. He pressed the button again, freezing it.

He began to pace. There really was no other explanation for it.

Oh God, he was losing his mojo.

As much as he hated to admit it, it had to be _his _fault. A girl didn't go out and buy one of these just for the hell of it, after all. Maybe he should start staying at home more. He really didn't need to accept all of those missions, not with the Uchiha fortune there to fall back on. Yeah, he'd go to the Hokage first thing tomorrow and demand a vacation. Then he'd be able to spend more time with her, just like she wanted. He hoped that he wasn't too late. He really didn't know how much longer he'd last without her, to be honest. She had been avoiding him recently, dodging his kisses and slipping out of his arms before things got too heated. The last time they spent time in bed together was nearly a week ago!

"Sasuke-kun? What're you doing here?" His little nurse popped her head in through the door. His eyes narrowed at her innocent face. "I'm sorry, but I can't go home with you just yet. Tsunade-sama needs me to assist her on some of her paper work."

Paper work, huh? Was that a sign for him to leave so that she could go and pleasure herself with "the thing"? Well, he wasn't going to make this easy on her, oh hell no, not when he was running around with blue balls and taking cold showers every night.

"Sasuke-kun, what wrong?" He didn't acknowledge that she had moved into the room with him until he felt her hand on his arm. His grip had tightened and he heard the satisfying sound of plastic cracking. "What's that in your hand?"

"As if you don't know!" He replied harshly.

Taken aback by his cruel behavior, Sakura stepped back and rested her hands on her hips. "Look, I don't know what your problem is, Sasuke-kun, and I'm not in the mood to play games right now! So just spit it out and tell me what's wrong!"

Without saying a word, he opened his fist and practically shoved "the thing" right under her nose. To her credit, she looked as surprised as he was when she saw it. He almost bought it.

Almost.

"Where – where did you get that?"

Sasuke took her affronted look as a guilty one. "From the bottom drawer of your desk, Sakura. But, of course, you already knew that it was there, didn't you?" Sakura's face turned red at the implication.

"W-what? Are you kidding me? I've never seen that thing in my life, and I most certainly would never _use_ one!" She huffed.

That's what they all said. "Is this why you've been avoiding me, Sakura?" He sneered out her name. He began to regret his harsh words when he saw that her brilliant green eyes were starting to gloss over.

"Oh, you stupid man! That's not why I've been avoiding you!"

"So you admit that you've been avoiding me." He stated plainly. He didn't expect her to come outright and admit it, and to be honest, it hurt.

Sakura toyed with her fingers, hesitating to reveal her current predicament. "Well, you see… um…"

"Just spit it out already!" Sasuke said, turning her words on her. "The quicker you do, the faster I can go and leave you to play with your toy!" It was Sakura's turn to be hurt. The silence that followed was unbearable to the dark-eyed boy, who was secretly nursing his own pain. "Well, Sakura? I'm waiti – "

"I'm on my period, you idiot! That's why I've been avoiding you! God, why am I surrounded by such stupid men?!" She shrieked at him.

His mouth gapped open like a fish's. "What?"

His girlfriend threw her arms up in exasperation. "Do I need to spell it out for you? I'm-on-my-period," she stressed the word. "You know, when girls start to bleed – " She was interrupted as Sasuke reached out to her, tangling one hand in her pink hair and the other locking around her waist. His lips slanted over hers, both delighted and relieved that "the thing" wasn't going to replace him.

He made sure to step on "the thing" extra hard before backing Sakura into the edge of her couch and forcing her to lie down. The pink-haired girl didn't protest, amiably complying with her boyfriend's fervent wishes. Any lingering thoughts scattered as Sasuke began to drop open-mouthed kisses on her neck and collar. Life was good.

Back in the Hokage's office office, a new set of frustrations were arising. "Where is that girl?" The blonde Hokage muttered to herself, flipping through a rather thick set of files. After the second page, the nerve on her forehead started throbbing almost scarily, and it was all she could do not to chuck the papers out of the window.

"Shizune! You better get me that extra bottle of saké!" She shouted the order, downing her current cup. "It's going to be a long night."

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed that one! If you don't know what "the thing" is, well, I'll just leave that to your imaginations then, haha. Special thanks to **uchihablossom0626 **for her suggestion! Keep 'em coming, guys! I'm running out of ideas. And please review!

Much love,  
**~A.L.**

* * *

Still gone unnoticed, at the very bottom of Sakura's desk drawer, laid Ino's lonely note.

**Just in case it doesn't work out with Sasuke, billboard-brow! (In which case, send him my way!) Have fun with this in the meantime! ~Ino **


	4. The SleepTalker

Summary: Well, you know what they say about eavesdroppers… they never hear anything nice about their bedroom prowess.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

* * *

**The Sleep-Talker**

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

Life was good, the Uchiha heir knew. Especially when there was an exquisite pink-haired beauty resting soundly on the couch with her thin shirt exposing the fair skin of her stomach and her shorts riding up. Very good, indeed.

Sasuke felt his heart soften as he walked towards her, his eyes lingering on her peaceful face. He was careful to tread softly, not wanting to wake his Sleeping Beauty. It was truly a remarkable sight after having gone a whole day without her, having been stuck training with the loudmouth he liked to call (though not out loud) his best friend.

The permanent scowl on his face deepened as he traced the dark circles staining the skin under her eyes with his gaze, revealing her many sleepless nights. It was certainly an unhealthy habit, one she was sure to know with her profession. Truly, he was glad that was getting some rest – a grumpy Sakura was a scary Sakura, he had learned.

Still, he couldn't resist the urge to trail his thumb over the smooth plane of her cheek and the tempting fullness of her bottom lip. The emotionally-restrained boy chuckled when she crinkled her nose and lifted a hand to bat away his own.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Sasuke mumbled quietly. Of course, he was met only with silence. Sighing heavily, he raised and began to walk off, fully intending on starting dinner after taking a well-deserved shower.

"Hmm, Sasuke-kun…" Sakura sighed out. It succeeded in freezing him mid-step. He turned back around to face her, trying to maintain his silence. For a moment, he had thought that he had awakened her and he had an apology ready on his lips. It surprised him to see her eyes still shut tight and a small smile creeping up on her face.

The ends of his mouth lifted into the closest thing to a grin he could manage. It gave him an odd pleasure to know that she was dreaming of him, and despite his trying, he couldn't push down the giddiness that rose in his chest. He reached her once more, leaning in to catch her words more coherently.

To his utter delight, she wasn't finished. "Oh, Sasuke, more… more…" The infamous smirk on his face grew as the sleeping girl's breath began to come out in arousing pants. Her fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt and her slender legs squirmed in a alluring manner. It was obvious what kind of dream she was having.

"No, no, Sasuke-kun, not there…" His eyes narrowed and his smugness deflated. "…not fast enough … best you can do?…" Disapproving noises emitted from her cherry mouth, and Sasuke steamed inwardly. "…better work on your endurance, Sasuke-kun… should ask Naruto to train you…"

_Naruto_? He was doing so bad that she had suggested help from _Naruto_? He growled at his girlfriend, which only got him an even more infuriating comment of "…oh, just let me do it…" from her. Sasuke pouted as only he could. It was stupid of him, he knew, to be angry at his "dream-self" for not satisfying Sakura the ­_right_ way, but it couldn't be help. Her damned _nightmare_ hit him in the place where it hurt most – his ego – and his Uchiha pride would not allow that taunt to go unpunished.

Sakura groaned, catching his attention once more. "Sasuke-kun… is it in yet?..." His eye twitched. That was the last straw! Feeling very much like a small child on a tantrum, Sasuke stomped his way upstairs, a deep furrow between his brows and a sour taste on his tongue.

* * *

"Did you have a nice nap?" Sasuke asked casually after they had finish dinner and the dishes were put away. Both were resting on the couch with his feet up on the parallel table and her head on his lap. Unconsciously, he was rubbing a lock of her soft hair between his callused fingers.

Smiling her only-for-Sasuke smile, Sakura nodded gratefully. "Yeah, it was so refreshing! I definitely needed it after this exhausting week at the hospital." He 'aa'-ed in returned, continuing to play with her hair. The twitching her demented dream had ensued had stopped, thankfully, before she had roused.

Unexpectedly, she gave a forlorn sigh. "But I'm afraid that I might not get much sleep tonight because of it. It's completely messed up my sleeping cycle-"

In a blur of dark blues and blacks, she suddenly found herself swept up in Sasuke's arms and heading towards their bedroom. "Good. You won't be getting much sleep tonight, anyways." The wicked grin he sent her had Sakura squeezing her thighs together in pleasure and her heart sputtering unnaturally.

She was in for a _long_ night.

* * *

Hey, everyone! First off, I'd like to thank all of you guys for making this collection such a big hit! I honestly didn't think I'd get so much support for it, so really guys, **thank you so much! **I'd love to hear more from you, so please keep your reviews and suggestions coming! You guys rock! Half-naked Sasukes for all of you!  
**  
~A.L.**

* * *

"Hello, Ino? Hey, it's Sakura. You were right! It worked like a charm!"


	5. FingerLickin' Good

* * *

Summary: I scream, you scream, we all scream for… Sasuke! Yum.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters._

* * *

**Finger-Lickin' Good **

**By Ardent Ly **

**

* * *

**

It was hot. Unbearably hot. So hot that if it weren't for the hopeful, lust-coated stares of his fan girls, he would've taken his shirt off already. He considered his drooping hair style. Hmm, maybe his pants too.

He was walking back home after a rather trying session with the Hyuuga freak, the lazy bum, and the loud idiot. They had an A-Rank mission to Sound coming up, and decided to wedge in a few extra days of training to prepare themselves for any rogue attacks. It wasn't necessary, of course, but none of the four men would pass up a chance to kick each other's asses and obtain bragging rights until the next match.

The proud ANBU had met up at dawn in the old training grounds, basking in the cool air and easy winds. As the day moved forward, and the sun climbed higher and higher on the sky, the hotter it got. They all began to grow irritable as the sweat slid down their heads like bullets and soaked through their shirts, making for an uncomfortable situation. After a unanimous agreement to finish what they started on another day (and finally being unable to ignore Naruto's insistent whining), they all departed, eager for the comforts of their air conditioned homes.

Sasuke continued to walk, much too tired to roof-hop home, face bland and spine completely poised. It wouldn't do for an Uchiha to appear less than regal than what his lineage commended. He ignored the other moans and groans of the townspeople all complaining of the scorching heat, but knew of their pain. Finally, he spotted the gray tiles on the roof of his and Sakura's shared apartment. He breathed a faint sigh of relief.

He hurriedly stepped inside and slipped his shoes off at the entry. "Sakura?" He called out. A handsome smile tugged his mouth downwards when he didn't receive a reply.

She had to be home, Sasuke concluded. He had placed his shoes right alongside hers at the doorway and the fan set in the corner was revolving from side to side, blowing the wispy sheets of paper knotted to it. Activating his Sharingan, he tried to trace Sakura's chakra signature. Satisfied when he managed to find her outline sitting in their kitchen, he let the blood color drain from his eyes, bringing them back to their usual dark hue.

Sasuke's entire body froze at the sight presented to him as he neared the kitchen. The gorgeous pink-haired girl was sensually eating a wafer cone of her favorite ice cream, dragging her tongue maddeningly to create a dull tip. It darted out again, taking a long, languorous journey from the start of the cone to the very tip, giggling when she reached the end. Bracing himself against the side of the entrance, Sasuke watched fascinated, unconsciously bringing his own tongue out to wet his suddenly dry lips. She really seemed to really be enjoying her cold treat, taking her glorious time and allowing her taste buds to really experience the flavor. Not that Sasuke minded, of course – what he _did_ mind, however, was the painful strain in his trousers. It was becoming glaring obvious and with his clothes still stuck to him due to the intense heat, there wasn't a chance that his loose pants could hide it.

Sakura took his mind off of his problem, however, with another playful giggle, and Sasuke looked up just in time to see her chase a stream of ice cream run down the cone with her tongue. Again, she took her time, lest she spilled a precious drop. After a few more moments of teasingly licking her way around the cone to ensure that there were no more free drops spilling down the cone, she turned her attention back to the tip. She eyed it hungrily and it was solely Sasuke's excitement to see the end of the show that stopped him from stomping towards her and taking her on the kitchen counter. Leisurely, surely, she took a few more random licks at the base before she completely engulfed the tip of her tiny ice cream mountain with her whole mouth. The tip was flat again and from what he could see, Sakura's tongue was moving to rebuild it and give an encore performance.

Mouthwatering, Sasuke's grip fastened tighter, and it suddenly felt a lot hotter in here than it did outside. He swallowed heavily, his eyes rolling back at the delicious shiver than played down his spine. He – and his zipper – simply couldn't take it anymore. "Sakura… what're you doing?"

Sakura turned towards him with a mildly amused expression, suggesting to him that she knew all along that he was there gawking at her like some untried fourteen-year-old. Passing her treat from one hand to her free one, she licked the tip of her ice cream coated fingers with a sensuous ease. "Practicing," she said simply before turning her attention back to her sugary fingers.

He was floored.

* * *

Ice cream always was my favorite way to cool off on a warm summer's afternoon, haha. I hope you guys liked this one; please continue to send me your comments and suggestion. They're all a great help! Oh, and a very special thank you to **goddess-training **for spotting a typo in the last chapter. A fully naked Sasuke for you! Hahah

On another note, for any Twilight fans out there, I'd really appreciate it if you guys took the time to check out my new story, _Remnants_. I could really sure some support there *fanged smile*

Thanks again!

**~A.L.**

* * *

"Hey, Teme! Didn't think I'd see you here!... What's with all the ice cream?"


	6. Pet Peeve

Summary: Suddenly, Sasuke found himself very appreciative of the story of Hansel and Gretel.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

* * *

**Pet Peeve **

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

Nothing annoyed him more than finding clothes on the floor. Call him a neat freak; call him anal; call him a pansy – whatever. Sasuke hated it when his – _eccentric, gorgeous, amazingly sexy_ – girlfriend left clothes lying around, no matter how much he (shut up) loved her. It was just so aggravating! And it was just his luck that today would be a day when she decided to act careless and leave a few pieces of clothing clumped around.

Sighing in a frustrated manner, he picked up a stray green shirt lying on the floor near the doorway. Grumbling to himself how one of the greatest shinobi ever managed to find himself performing such useless duties, Sasuke trudged up the stairs, desperately wishing to change out of his sweat-drenched clothes.

On his way up, his eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets when he spotted another article of clothing on the eighth step, this time a pair of Sakura's training shorts. Growling lowly, Sasuke picked it up and draped it over his arm with her shirt. He really was going to have to talk to Sakura about this. The last thing he wanted to do after a long day training was to come home and play maid.

By the time he had reached the stop of the stair well, he had encountered a purple tank top and a red laced bra. He stared incredulously at his last find. "What the hell?" He suddenly became very suspicious and the twitch in his pants agreed with him. "She had better just really eager for a shower," he mumbled to himself, almost daring a faceless man to be in _their_ bedroom with her.

The last piece on his trail had his brows disappearing beneath his hairline. Gingerly, he plucked the skimpy triangular piece of crimson lace between his forefinger and thumb, feeling his mouth dry as if someone had stuffed cotton into it.

_For the love of all things holy…_

High in anticipation, he creaked open their bedroom door. He was far from disappointed.

"About time you got here, Uchiha," Sakura purred from atop their duvet-covered bed. The room was romantically lit by dozens of small white candles, rose petals scattered carelessly on the floor. The curtains were drawn together, assuring absolute privacy, and he was quick to note that a large mirror had somehow found itself on the ceiling.

But the sight that had him salivating in the mouth was the alluring picture of Sakura stretched out on their bed, stark naked, with only her pale arms to cover her most – delicious, mouth-dropping, luscious – parts. Between her digits, she toyed with a long curved feather, and with a Cheshire smirk on her glowing face, she trailed it along the arm covering her chest. Sasuke gulped visibly, unapologetically following the feather as it made its journey from her bare shoulder to her wrist.

It was then and there did Sasuke decide that clothes (well, maybe only_ Sakura's_ clothes) were better off on the floor, anyways.

* * *

Hey, everyone!  
I know it's been a while since I last updated this collection of mine, and I sincerely want to apologize for that. School's been really tough these past few months, and I've just recently found the time to write this baby out. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it! Please don't forget to **review**!

Much love,  
~Ardie

* * *

"Sasuke-kun, I didn't know you owned a pair of red boxers." And she would know, seeing as she did his laundry every weekend.

A scoff. "I don't."

"Oh? What's that peeking out from the top of your shorts, then?" Bottle-green eyes widen. "Is that my thong?"

Silence. "No."


	7. Speechless

Summary: Sasuke takes the time to appreciate another hole in Sakura's body…

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

* * *

**Speechless**

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

The Uchiha heir grumbled uncharacteristically as he moved about his shared kitchen, trying to conjure something edible with what little his pantry had to offer. He was hungry, tired and worst of all – exasperated.

God, what was it with women? They were all so bloody moody and confusing. Their personalities went up, then down, then up again; it was a constant guessing game with them. He just didn't understand them – hell, he was pretty sure _women_ didn't understand women.

Sakura wasn't talking to him – _again _– and he couldn't figure for the life of him why. He was fairly sure that he hadn't done anything to piss her off, like the time he added one of his trademark dark blue shirts to her load of white clothing and subsequently turned them all an unflattering shade of murky blue. And he was almost completely certain that it wasn't her "time of the month", seeing as the dozen ice cream cartons he was accustomed to tripping over during that time were absent.

"This is all Yamanaka's doing," he swore vehemently. "I'm never letting her go to another Girls' Night ever again." She had been strangely silent the morning she came home from her day with the obnoxious blonde; she hadn't even greeted him "good morning"!

His stomach growled, as if to remind him of just how empty it was. "Dammit, do we have anything to eat in this place?" Before he could rip the pantry doors off its hinges, he heard the jingle of bells and the soft click of his front door opening. "Sakura?" Instead of replying, she stuck her head through the entrance of the kitchen door and flashed him a brief smile and wave.

At her ever-annoying silence, he pressed her for answer, determined to hear her speak. "Do we have any mail today?" Again, she answered him with a soundless gesture, this time merely shaking her head in the negative. "Aa. How was the hospital?" A casual shrug of her shoulders was all he received. "Thinking of becoming a mime, are we?" He said with all the sarcasm he could muster, his frustrations reaching its limit. Infuriating him even further, she simply stuck her tongue out at his sharp comment.

"Hm. That's real mature, Sakura, very befitting of Konoha's leading kunoichi." If looks could wither a man's private parts, Sasuke's balls would've shriveled up into prunes at the intensity of Sakura's glare.

"You know, for a supposed genius, you really are quite stupid sometimes." She hissed back at him, a strange lisp lengthening her "s"-es. "Look!" Sticking out her tongue even farther this time, Sasuke realized with a jolt that a silver ball no bigger that a pin's head was embedded in the pink flesh of her tongue.

"You pierced your tongue." He stated in a voice that sounded neither accusatory nor flabbergasted.

"Ino convinced me to get it, don't ask me how. My tongue's been swollen as hell the last few days, I never would've gotten it if I had known this would happen." She clarified, her lisp much more controlled now. "It's made it really hard to talk." She said pointedly for his benefit.

Relieved at finally knowing the reason behind his girlfriend's muteness, he gathered her in his arms, and cajoled to show him again. "Why your tongue and not your ears or bellybutton?" At his question, the pink-haired beauty's mouth stretched into a naughty grin that had his blood rushing south.

"The lady at the tattoo parlor told me something very interesting about tongue piercings. She said that it made certain nighttime activities a lot more enjoyable." She proceeded to showing just what kind of activities by sweeping her tongue along her full upper lip and flicking her gaze downwards to his growing pants. Spying the way Sasuke visibly tensed and caught her shrewd gesture, Sakura satisfyingly realized that the tables had turned and it was now Sasuke who suddenly found himself speechless.

* * *

Hey, everyone! I'm so sorry for this extremely late update! I actually started this addition to _Dirty Discoveries _a while back, but I've just been so busy with school and drama and everything in between and just recently found the time to finish this piece. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it and that you all had a great summer!

~Ardie

* * *

"Hey, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm hungry."

"Aa, let's go to Ichiraku, we don't have anything to eat here."

"I didn't mean _that_ kind of hungry." She gave him a sly grin.

He loved his girlfriend.


	8. Smarty Pants

Summary: Well, you know what they say, great minds think dirty. Sasuke finds another reason why he and Sakura are meant to be.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters._

Note: This installment was actually inspired by an episode from my favorite television series, _Friends_. Virtual high-five to anyone who can correctly guess which episode!

* * *

**Smarty Pants  
**

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! He was screwed. Their first Valentine's Day together and he already fucked up. He never should've agreed to_ making _gifts when he could simply _buy _them.

"This is all Sakura's fault." He muttered bitterly as he walked by a flower vendor and various other stores decorated in Valentine-appropriate adornments. And it was. The woman knew that she could get him to agree to just about anything when she was on top of him with her back arched, riding him hard and fast with her skin glistening with sweat and…He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. It wouldn't do for Konoha's leading ANBU to be seen sporting a good ol' hard on in the middle of the shopping district. It was unseemly and he really didn't think Tsunade would appreciate it if he annihilated half of the village's population.

But really, what use was the Uchiha fortune if he couldn't use it on his girlfriend?

Going back to the matter at hand, Sasuke sighed forlornly, eying the diamond-encrusted accessories behind the clear glass. He couldn't go for the easy way out. His pride simply wouldn't let him. To him, this was just another mission, and if he didn't get his ass in gear, he thought as he spied the store's clock through the glass display, it was one mission he was going to fail.

And he knew for a fact that failing would come with dire results. Sakura – being as sentimental as she was – would definitely be upset, regardless of how extravagant his present was, which meant that she would not be in a playful mood. If she wasn't in a playful mood, that meant no Valentine's Day sex. No Valentine's Day sex meant that Sasuke would be extremely unhappy the following morning, which would then result in the breaking of Naruto's nose. The breaking of Naruto's nose meant the start of a full on, no weapons, fight-till-one-of-them-dies battle, which would then result in the destruction of potentially the entire village grounds. Thus, it was to _everyone's _benefit that he succeed in making her the perfect homemade gift.

… Oh, Kami, he might as well save Sakura the trouble and throw himself off a cliff, or something.

Completely disgruntled, he was just about to head home when the window display of a nearby store caught his eye. Eyeing the mannequins sheathed in flimsy material critically, the wheels in his head began to turn. A Cheshire-cat smile stretches across his face as an ingenious idea struck him. His grin slowly transforming itself into his infamous smirk, he slipped into the store, almost giddy with anticipation.

* * *

"Happy Valentine's Day, Sasuke-kun." Sakura greeted nervously from across their dining table. With their dinner settings pushed aside, Sasuke could clearly see the way she wringed her fingers together, a sign of her obvious discomfort. Her impassive boyfriend raised a suspicious brow, but kept his mouth shut, knowing from past experiences that Sakura would reveal her issue in due time.

Giggling fretfully, she pulled a solid-colored gift bag from underneath the table and placed it before him. "Now, before you open it, just remember that I love you, okay?" His curiosity rose. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and no matter how busy I am – which, by the way is _extremely_ busy, with my apprenticeship with Tsunade-sama and my job at the hospital and all my missions and doing my own individual research – you're always, _always_, on my mind because I love you, you know? And I know I said that I wanted this Valentine's Day to be special and all, _because I love you_, but, you know… with everything… I mean… damn it, Sasuke, I forgot, okay?" She shrieked out the last part of her ramblings as she leaned over the table towards him, her face expressing her remorse and guilt. "It totally slipped my mind that we were making gifts for each other – whose stupid idea was that, anyways? – and so I panicked because I didn't want you thinking that I didn't love you enough to think of a decent present, because I do love you, might I add, but I couldn't think of _anything_ awesome I could give you so – "

Saving his girlfriend from her endless tirade, he lifted her hand up to his lips, trying to reassure her with his actions. In all truthfulness, he was overjoyed that he wasn't the only one to forget.

Comforted by his warm kiss, she sat back as he dug through the bag for his present, a grimace still evident on her face. A groan escaped her as Sasuke pulled out a pair of navy and white striped boxers. Stretching it by the waistband, he examined it at all sides, wondering just how it fulfilled the "homemade" criteria. When he reached to the front of the silky article, his other eyebrow shot up to meet its curious brother.

"You got me crotch-less boxers." He remarked with a tone laced with disbelief. And indeed, a hole no bigger than a golf ball was situated over the pelvic area of the boxers.

Looking away, Sakura fiddled with the ends of her rosy locks. "I, uh, cut the hole myself… Surprise." She tried to cheer enthusiastically, but failed.

Sasuke stared at his unorthodox gift for a moment longer before dropping it back into its packaging. Looking smug, he offered her a square box topped with a simple red ribbon, urging her to open it.

"I'm so sorry it's just a crappy gift, Sasuke-kun!" She apologized as she pulled at the ribbon. "You must've worked so hard with my gift! I promise I'll make it up…to… you…" Her words drifted off as she peered into the box. Incredulous, she reached in and pulled out –

"Crotch-less panties?"

It was going to be a great Valentine's Day.

* * *

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Yeah, I know I'm a few months too late, but I feel that expressing your love and devotion to the important people in your life shouldn't be restricted to just one day a year, but should be expressed daily! (Which, of course, is the fancy way of saying that Ardie initially planned to have this written and posted for Valentine's Day, but totally forgot about it because of mid-terms and just recently had time to finish it off.) My bad, guys, roses and crotch-less panties/boxers for all of you!

Now, for the sad news. This will be the final (planned) installment of _Dirty Discoveries_. Now, what do I mean by "planned"? Well, it means that as of right now, I have no further intentions to continue this series, **but**, should inspiration come knocking at my door, demanding at gunpoint that I write an extra chapter, then I will add another. All of you guys have been **amazing** and the support that you guys have given me this past year has been phenomenal! Thank you all so very much for all your kind and, at times, hilarious reviews; with a special shout out to **annee loves sasusaku **who submitted the 100th review *confetti falls from the sky as "It's Raining Men" plays in the background*! I hope you guys continue to read and review any works that I may dish out in the future :D

~Ardie

P.s. Well now, you didn't think I would break DD tradition, now did you? Here is, as always, the ending drabble. Enjoy!

* * *

Sakura's eye twitched. "Sasuke… why the hell are there holes in _all_ my panties?"


	9. Teacher's Pet

Summary: Sasuke always figured that karma would come and bite him in the ass – if Sakura didn't do it first.

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. _

* * *

**Teacher's Pet**

**By Ardent Ly**

* * *

Sasuke knew he was in trouble before she even opened her mouth.

"What the hell is this?" Sakura hissed in a deceptively calm, deathly voice, a tone he knew she reserved solely for when interrogating particularly closed-mouthed criminals. He had been present during one of those times and he could clearly remember the way their enemy had sung like a canary after just minutes of questioning. By the time she was finished with him, they knew everything from his grandmother's favourite fruit preserve to the way he liked his eggs in the morning. When they had departed, his left eye was twitching and his pants completely drenched with urine.

Gulping inaudibly, he raised his chin with a courage he didn't feel and met her enraged bottle-green eyes. "A book." He made sure to keep his gaze away from the violet-colored volume she had slapped unceremoniously onto their kitchen table.

Her nostrils flared the tiniest of fractions, a sure sign that he had only angered her further. "A book. A book, he says." She released a chilling laugh. "Well, let's look through this book, shall we?" True to her word, she began to flip through the pages of _the book_, with her boyfriend all the while trying hard not to look interested. With each turn, an insanely sensual and provocative woman was revealed, each situated in a different pose meant to entice. "Well, Sasuke? Why would _you_ have a copy of – " She turned to the cover. "_Icha Icha Paradise – Special 10__th__ Anniversary Edition_? Why would _you_ need to look at "A compilation of the most salivating women featured in the past ten years"?" Are _you_ saying that _I'm _not pretty enough? That _I _can't get you off?"

His breaths were coming out short and shallow, but he managed to save face. "Hn. Don't be stupid, Sakura. As if I would lower myself and buy one."

A shapely eyebrow rose sceptically. "Oh? Then where did you get _this_ from?"

"Who else, but Kakashi?" He confessed grudgingly, dragging his sensei into the deep end. "He figured I would need it." The just-asking-for-it heir immediately regretted his words, though true they were.

"And _why_ would he think that?" The pink-haired nurse pushed, radiating fury.

"B-because he thinks y-you can't get me off." He cursed himself for his uncharacteristic stuttering.

"Does he, now?" Sakura sauntered around the table separating him, eyeing him like a lioness eyed her prey. She straddled his lap the moment she reached him, effectively trapping him in the chair he sat on. Despite his fear, his lower region swiftly became enflamed with desire. "_I'll show him just how I get you off_." She growled and swept him into an intense kiss using her lips, tongue, and teeth. "Take your pants off, bitch."

* * *

So… who missed me? Hahaha, not even a month and I find myself here, again. I should've figured that I couldn't stay away for long. Hope you guys liked this one! You cannot believe how much fun I had thinking of ways Sakura could _discover_ something of Sasuke's! Please don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

Kisses,

~Ardie

* * *

Kakashi smirked knowingly as Sasuke came strolling into their training grounds, looking satisfyingly tired and with a slight wobble in his step. The older leaf-nin clapped a hand onto his former student's shoulder.

"You're welcome."


End file.
